And the Oscar Goes To….

Drama. Drama. Drama.

Two days in a row now, my child has slept for 12 hours straight. For probably the fourth time in two years, she hasn’t come into my room in the middle of the night to sleep with me. I take responsibility for her doing that, of course. But when you’re tired beyond tired and somehow find your way to the bathroom and somehow avoid letting her pee in the tub and wash her hands in the toilet, you’ll do what you have to do to go back to sleep straightaway.

Yesterday, I had to wake her up for school. Today, she woke up on her own and literally cried from 8.50 a.m. until I walked out of her classroom at 9.35 a.m.

My eyes are still tired!

I don’t want to talk! You shouldn’t be talking either!

I don’t know how to stop crying!

I want to go back to my room to take a nap!

I want to go back home to eat my breakfast!

I made her take her breakfast in the car, which she refused to eat. Today, something told me ‘She will be fine! You know this. She just went two weeks without eating!” I drove with her throwing a giant melodramatic fit in the backseat. “WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING?” Because you told me not to! I called your bluff, spawn!

BOOYAH!

Mortified as I walk her into her class, disrupting circle time, leading her to the sink to wash her hands, her screaming hee haw, hee haw the entire ten minutes. Quell nightmare.

Before I walked out, I stopped to put a thank you gift into her little friend’s mailbox for an over-the-top get well gift they gave her. (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.) She was sitting on her teacher’s lap screaming for me, both arms stretched out a mile. I had to ignore her. As I walked down the hall, I remembered I had another thank you in my bag. I punched in my key code and opened the door. She didn’t see me. She was already finished crying. I’m the asshole.

I know there will be a transition period. But really. You’re going to be 30 years old one day, child. Do we really have to do this everyday until then? Just wondering.

I’m thinking I’ll wear a very subdued Carolina Herrera number for the red carpet. Hopefully she remembers to thank me.

 

 

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