Mama Always Said….

So, I have been having horrible headaches for a while now and have been pretty much waiting to die of an aneurysm whilst driving or (even worse) at work. Irrational, I know (though my biological father did die of an aneurysm at 40 years old…so there’s that). 

I was having a particularly headachey day last week at work and took off my glasses and cried. And, wouldn’t you know it, twenty minutes later…headache gone. Glasses back on later, headache back. I decided to go to the office where I got my eye exam done and ask them to check my prescription on my glasses (that I got from http://www.ZenniOptical.com) to see if they were accurate. They were, except I measured my pupillary distance (What the hell is this, you ask? I didn’t know either until I printed the measuring tape from the website to measure it myself, and I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 7 years old) incorrectly and was off by 6 mm. Eye Guy told me this could be the issue. (I mean, I NEVER get headaches. I didn’t even own ibuprofen.) Then Eye Guy said, “Or, you could be allergic to your polycarbonate lenses.” 

WUT

If anyone could be allergic to their glasses, it would be I. Forget physics and such. Just have a blanket understanding that the girl who broke her rod in her back, whose doctor flew around the world to redo other people’s surgeries and had NEVER in ALL HIS YEARS had to redo his own surgery…until…, will be the one to defy the odds.

After work today, I took my sweet child shoe shopping. This has never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been an enjoyable experience. At some point, we are both in tears. We went to Payless because they have half sizes. The Shoe Girl measured her at an 11 and said, “She should go to an eleven-and-a-half,” whereupon sweet child burst into tears. Tried on all the ten-and-a-half shoes (too tight). Tried on all the size 11 shoes (they flipped off). Cried. Left the building. 

We drove to Kohl’s. Finally found a pair we liked. Walked ten feet. Cried. Returned shoes. 

We drove to another Payless. No go. Left Payless barefoot. Mommy carried sweet child to car. 

We drove to Dillard’s, where the woman who is always there was there. I cannot believe after four years of having us as customers she hasn’t quit her job. Srsly. How does she do it? Sweet child tried on 12 pairs of shoes. And she found a pair! I couldn’t believe it. She left wearing them, because remember…I carried her in barefoot, up the escalator…with my giant purse…past the very expensive men’s shirts: Image

(Worth every cent of the $99.50.)

We drove to gramma’s to pick up something, and caught the longest light in history. Took the highway. Got home. Came in. Threw dinner on the stove. Sweet child stapled her finger with the stapler and then dropped it in her applesauce. I wouldn’t let her turn on the television and she didn’t get to watch any television ALL DAY OR PLAY WITH ONE SINGLE FRIEND.

Then I found a note in her school planner that she was missing her homework on Monday. She had a folder full of papers I just assumed were classwork or some activity she received at the after-school program. They’re always giving her little activity sheets and things. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!? 

So, I just ordered new glasses. One more try. 

And I’m drinking wine. White zinfandel. AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. 

Oh, and the sweet child went to bed in winter tights. 

I swear….

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