Just Another Saturday

I have always cleaned on Saturdays. My ex-H hated it. “You’re wasting the whole day inside.” Didn’t matter if was raining or sunny, he couldn’t deal. I had never really thought of it before, but he was right. I guess when you’re single and working and socializing, not a lot gets done on a Saturday day, so I cleaned and did laundry. It’s a horrible habit. Especially now that I have a child. She certainly does not enjoy sitting around and watching me clean. 

Today was no different. (I’ll learn…eventually.) I did laundry and dishes (always with the dishes). Straightened up a bit here and there. Wrote out the grocery list. Plopped her down in front of Enchanted. 

At the grocery, I restrained myself from most things, and then heard myself saying aloud, “Let the child have some damned hot chocolate.” I should be making it from scratch (as my dear friend of Candy Coated Reality pointed out), but sometimes you just have to let go. Today was one of those times. 

When I got home, I couldn’t get the chips and salsa out of the bag fast enough. Then, I had gluten free Udi’s cinnamon raisin toast with Nutella. It was $1 off, and it’s quite delicious. Then…I had rice with gluten free chicken tenders and sriracha. I found the tenders at Target, and I have to admit…they are quite tasty. 

I may be the only person with sriracha left in the whole world. There is not expiration date on this thing, so who knows if I’m eating poison or not. Mmm. Delicious poison. 

I previously mentioned my crazy dry eye issue I’ve been having. I got to wondering about the eye liner/mascara/eye shadow I was using. I would look at myself in the mirror and almost see the red veins popping out on my eyeballs. There wasn’t a mention on the packaging of anything derived from gluten, but you never know. 

I went to sephora.com last week and typed “gluten free” into the search bar. A bunch of stuff showed up; a few of them being these: 

I am liking them very much. I think the eyeliner has made a big difference. The texture is quite nice. The liner goes on very easily, and is easy to wipe off when you make a mistake which I often do. The lipstick is very lovely. I should have taken a picture of it opened at either end. It has two colors, a light-ish pink and a darker rose color. I only use gluten free lip products since you basically eat lipstick. And, I know people say that no one should be affected by topical products that contain gluten. I find that to be a real piece of malarky, considering skin is the largest organ in the body. Hello? Transdermal patches, anyone? 

The mascara is also quite lovely. Except for the fact that I am a freaking idiot and could not figure out how to get the freaking thing open. That gold contraption stays. I was trying to pull it off and ripped off the cap. When I put it back on, it was misaligned and ain’t nobody got time for that. I remove my eye makeup with olive oil, and after smearing that on (and on…and on…and on…) I looked like I’d just gone five rounds with Mike Tyson. It has some staying power. But, it’s gluten free. And it didn’t bother my eyes at all. I’m going to go with it. 

Tomorrow, I will end the evening making a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. I have serious issues. I’d rather have a piece of cake than crappy chocolate. Wait. That’s not true. I’m not picky about chocolate. It’s a sickness, okay. Leave me alone.

 

FAIL

I haven’t had a complete failure in the kitchen in a very long time. Last night…was epic.

The child has been requesting lasagna for a few weeks. We were expecting a huge ice storm by early evening. I stopped at the grocery and picked up sauce and three different cheeses. At the checkout, I saw that someone had neglected to take a significant amount of change from the machine. I tried to find the guy who had been in front of me outside, but the parking lot had eight hundred and fortyleven people in it. I took the money to customer service. My payment for bringing good karma on myself was this disgusting dish:

I don’t even know what to say about that hideous mess. The sauce tasted like your fork when you would accidentally rub it on your TV dinner.

Do not buy this. It is foul. But you probably won’t listen to me, and you’ll buy it anyway, and then I’ll say, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” because I am not one of those “Told ya” kind of people, so if you want to waste yo’ monies…feel free. Here’s my shoulder.

Sweet daughter had a hot dog and pickles for dinner, and I grabbed the bag of corn chips and some salsa. Emptied the jar into my favorite salsa bowl. Opened the chips. And they were FREAKING NO SALT ADDED. WHO DOES THE FAHKING SHOPPING AROUND HERE?

Then today, I worked from home and every. single. thing. I ate was some form of chocolate. I made my frittata for breakfast. My daughter was still hungry, so I chopped an apple for her and gave her some caramel. She didn’t finish all the caramel, so I threw it away. Then I got it out of the garbage and put it on some chocolate coconut milk Trader Joe’s ice cream. That was a low point. And it wasn’t great on it, either.

At dinner, I burned my child’s pizza, and the snicker doodles.

So much for karma.

Frost Yourself

(Probably my least favorite movie line ever, and if you can name the movie…you’ll win…nothing. But I won’t be alone in my knowing. So, there’s that.)

I’ve been trying very hard to actually wear all the jewelry that fills eight drawers of my tower jewelry box. I usually wear a necklace (that I never take off, although I stupidly wore it when I got my hair colored and now it needs to be tended to; won’t do that again), earrings (sometimes, not every day), and bracelets. Sometimes I wear a watch and sometimes I do not. Lots of sometimes. Going for all the times.

The three bracelets, necklace, and matching earrings on the far left came from Grey Goose Gifts at etsy.com. I wear the bracelets daily and have since I got them last year. Necklace and earrings are in rotation. I have about six pair of earrings, several necklaces, and rings. I love everything and want everything (hint, hint).

The black pearls at the top were my graduation gift when I received my 2nd bachelor’s degree. There is a matching bracelet that I like to wear. I’m into stacking bracelets now.

The necklace at the bottom was a gift and it’s gorgeous, and I thought I had lost it once and nearly had a coronary. Now I’m very careful with it.

The sterling silver bracelet above it came from Mexico on a trip in college when I got my 1st bachelor’s degree. The man at the flea market chased me out onto the street after I said I didn’t want it after all. I am so glad he did (even if he did scare the crap out of me).

The long earrings in the middle came from Old Navy and Target. I am obsessed with having earrings as long as my hair. It’s from my other obsession: The Fabulous Baker Boys. Michelle Pfeiffer’s earrings in that movie moved me. The other earrings are from Target. A little bit of an earring splurge this weekend. Sparkly is my favorite color.

And last but not least, the bracelet on the far right made by a woman in Kenya through the Journey The Ed Colina Foundation. He does amazing work. Great organization to make your donation.

So, if you run into me soon and I’m weighed down with eleventy bracelets and fortyteen necklaces, you’ll know why. Equal time, people. Equal time.

Mama Always Said….

So, I have been having horrible headaches for a while now and have been pretty much waiting to die of an aneurysm whilst driving or (even worse) at work. Irrational, I know (though my biological father did die of an aneurysm at 40 years old…so there’s that). 

I was having a particularly headachey day last week at work and took off my glasses and cried. And, wouldn’t you know it, twenty minutes later…headache gone. Glasses back on later, headache back. I decided to go to the office where I got my eye exam done and ask them to check my prescription on my glasses (that I got from http://www.ZenniOptical.com) to see if they were accurate. They were, except I measured my pupillary distance (What the hell is this, you ask? I didn’t know either until I printed the measuring tape from the website to measure it myself, and I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 7 years old) incorrectly and was off by 6 mm. Eye Guy told me this could be the issue. (I mean, I NEVER get headaches. I didn’t even own ibuprofen.) Then Eye Guy said, “Or, you could be allergic to your polycarbonate lenses.” 

WUT

If anyone could be allergic to their glasses, it would be I. Forget physics and such. Just have a blanket understanding that the girl who broke her rod in her back, whose doctor flew around the world to redo other people’s surgeries and had NEVER in ALL HIS YEARS had to redo his own surgery…until…, will be the one to defy the odds.

After work today, I took my sweet child shoe shopping. This has never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been an enjoyable experience. At some point, we are both in tears. We went to Payless because they have half sizes. The Shoe Girl measured her at an 11 and said, “She should go to an eleven-and-a-half,” whereupon sweet child burst into tears. Tried on all the ten-and-a-half shoes (too tight). Tried on all the size 11 shoes (they flipped off). Cried. Left the building. 

We drove to Kohl’s. Finally found a pair we liked. Walked ten feet. Cried. Returned shoes. 

We drove to another Payless. No go. Left Payless barefoot. Mommy carried sweet child to car. 

We drove to Dillard’s, where the woman who is always there was there. I cannot believe after four years of having us as customers she hasn’t quit her job. Srsly. How does she do it? Sweet child tried on 12 pairs of shoes. And she found a pair! I couldn’t believe it. She left wearing them, because remember…I carried her in barefoot, up the escalator…with my giant purse…past the very expensive men’s shirts: 

(Worth every cent of the $99.50.)

We drove to gramma’s to pick up something, and caught the longest light in history. Took the highway. Got home. Came in. Threw dinner on the stove. Sweet child stapled her finger with the stapler and then dropped it in her applesauce. I wouldn’t let her turn on the television and she didn’t get to watch any television ALL DAY OR PLAY WITH ONE SINGLE FRIEND.

Then I found a note in her school planner that she was missing her homework on Monday. She had a folder full of papers I just assumed were classwork or some activity she received at the after-school program. They’re always giving her little activity sheets and things. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!? 

So, I just ordered new glasses. One more try. 

And I’m drinking wine. White zinfandel. AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. 

Oh, and the sweet child went to bed in winter tights. 

I swear….