Isn’t It Funny

Parenting is, hands down, the most interesting thing I’ve ever done.
I pretty much spend every day trying not to dumb my child down to my level.
Pay attention.
Look when she’s talking to you.
Don’t assume you know what she’s trying to say.
Believe her when she sees something.
Make things interesting.
Learn something new.
Be new.
Be fun.

I don’t know what I would do without this child in my life.

Before she was here, I could go to the bookstore and hang-out until they turned the lights off and politely told me to “Get the hell out.”
I could wake up when I wanted, go to brunch (or not), eat chips and salsa for dinner (okay…that never really changed).
What I am trying to say is, I didn’t have to come home. No one was waiting for me anywhere. I didn’t feel guilty because I wasn’t home making someone’s dinner.
I wasn’t going to be punished for neglecting anyone.
I didn’t punish myself for doing nothing special, or doing too much.
I could go where I wanted, when I wanted, and stay as long as I wanted.
I didn’t have to hear anyone complain about how bored they are.
I didn’t have to limit my time because someone else wasn’t enjoying the moment.

Now, every single thought revolves around this child and what makes her life meaningful.
I don’t eat, sleep, or think without her face in my mind.
“How can I make our lives mean something?”
“What can I do to make sure she will remember me, always?”
“Is she happy?”

The holidays have passed and I didn’t take the time to blog.
Not since September.

I would like to think it’s because we were too busy having fun.
But, in all honesty, I didn’t feel like I had anything worthy of writing.

So, that will change.

I’ve set many goals for myself for the remainder of 2015.
Most of them revolve around remembering what makes me happy.
And we all know…when momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.
The rest have to do with my lovely child.
Create memories.
Don’t be so hard on her; she’s hard enough on herself.
Remember that I know who she is; who she has always been.
And most of all, look forward to the unknown.

Happy New Year

I’m not really one to make resolutions. I don’t know why. I can usually think of a list of things to add to a list, but I just really like making lists…. Maybe one resolution could be Do not make too many lists, or more realistically Make prettier lists.

With the impending birthday, there are lots of things that come to mind that I could try to resolve. For one, I’m terrible at making decisions. I have no idea why. I’m a Capricorn/only child. I don’t have a favorite anything. I usually end up with shopper’s remorse (WHY DIDN’T I BUY THAT?!). Naming my child was the biggest decision I have ever made. So another could be Learn to make a decision and stick with it.

My mother would like for me to make a resolution to fall in love. Let’s move on.

I would like to Learn to sew.

I would like to finish my book I’ve been writing (for far too long), and start my next book. Write every day.

I want to be a more patient mommy. A more patient person. Be patient. (Again…Capricorn/only child/single mother.)

I want to be a better friend/daughter. Feel free to keep me honest. Be better.

I want to learn to be a better gluten free cook. Perhaps go raw for a few months. Eat less sugar. Be clean.

And I want to discover how I’m meant to spend the rest of my years. Find a purpose.

The other day, my friends and I instituted No Spend January. Less than twelve hours later, my vacuum cleaner broke, my Maintenance Required light lit up on James Spader (my vehicle), and my child came home with broken glasses (had to go buy Krazy Glue). Do not deprive oneself.

I hope this year is the most amazing yet, for myself and my child; and for you. And remember, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully.